Ice Edge Diplomacy: A Path to Bridging Divides in Our Communities, Our Country, and Our World
In a time of increasing domestic strife and division within our communities, it has become evident that there is a need to dial back the anger, resentment, and rhetoric that threaten to tear us apart. This concept, which I call "Ice Edge Diplomacy," emerged from countless hours spent standing side by side with other parents at my son and daughter’s ice hockey practices, games, and tournaments. Despite our differences in beliefs and backgrounds, we all share a common value: the welfare and success of our children. Aligning on a common value opens the door for even deeper connection, friendship, and acceptance of differences.
The Birth of Ice Edge Diplomacy.
I’ve been considering this concept of authentic engagement on “ice’s edge” for some time now, spurred on by several years of carting my kids to and from sports events. At hockey arenas, I’ve stood next to parents I didn’t initially choose as friends, connected by the team on which our children were placed. Conversations naturally arise, often centered around the game, our kids’ funny behaviors, and parenting challenges. Politics and ideological debates are tricky topics to navigate in these moments with people we are just getting to know. However, I’ve learned that while not every parent thinks like me, there is value in engaging, listening, learning, and sharing. We spend a lot of time together as parents of players and we may as well utilize it to build meaningful and lasting friendships.
I realized a while back that while we didn’t have a common upbringing and didn’t know each other very well, we had already built common ground—“common ice.” This shared value of our children’s welfare forms the foundation for Ice Edge Diplomacy. By starting from this commonality, we can engage in meaningful conversations, even about difficult topics, and work toward a more peaceful state in our communities, country, and world.
The Power of Connection on Ice’s Edge.
While standing on Ice’s Edge, I’ve had conversations that range from local issues to politics, regulations, and business. As a sponsor of my children’s hockey teams, my company’s website, www.devrybv.com, is printed on the back of every jersey. This often opens discussions about what my company does—helping businesses become more efficient and profitable while ensuring the welfare of their people and the environment. These conversations highlight that it is possible to talk about complex geopolitical issues when we start from a place of “common ice.”
However, I’ve also witnessed the worst forms of behavior on Ice’s Edge—anger, revenge, and violence. Translating Ice Edge to “Field’s Edge,” just last summer, at my daughter’s state softball tournament for 8-and-under girls, a parent from the opposing team stormed the field through the dugout to confront a 14-year-old female umpire over a call he disagreed with. The situation escalated to the point where he punched our team’s coach in the eye. He fled to the parking lot with his wife and got nothing more than a citation for that assault.
Similarly, just this past week, during my son Charlie’s recent district hockey playoffs, he was deliberately and violently checked head-first into the boards by a player on the opposing team, an illegal hit that could have left him paralyzed, and I am not being dramatic. Although my son got up and is recovering, the opposing player laughed as he went to the penalty box, cheered on by his coach and other parents. This behavior demonstrates a desensitization to violence and an “us-versus-them,” duality mentality that undermines our common humanity. My son’s situation is not unusual. In a game earlier in the season, a group of mothers from another team gave the middle finger to a mom on our team whose son was down on the ice, having been checked so hard he, too, had to be evaluated for a concussion.
While I have experienced some of the best of humanity among the parents on our team, I've seen the worst when going outside the team. What about the game causes a mother from an opposing team to lose her composure and value-set while another child is down on the ice? What’s going on in that moment that promts a person to revel in the injury of a child? Why should the jersey matter when a life is on the line? I submit that our society needs a reboot and some tools to remind us of our common values, which is where Ice Edge Diplomacy comes into play.
The Guiding Rule of Ice Edge Diplomacy: STOP.
Ice Edge Diplomacy requires all of us to come back to a common value that unites us: the value of human life, for example. Again, when we are able to align on a common value, our actions and outcomes are set on a different course.
The overarching rule of Ice Edge Diplomacy is simple: STOP.
Youth hockey jerseys in Minnesota feature an orange “STOP” sign on the back as a reminder for players to think before making a dangerous move. We can apply the same principle as parents and citizens off the ice. Here’s how:
STOP to say hello and engage others outside your circle. Share a laugh, a smile, open the door for someone.
STOP yourself when you feel anger and irritation welling up in your body from what you view as a “bad call” or an injustice done to you or your “team.” Take three deep breaths before reacting to a situation and reset your mind to find your “better angel” within.
STOP the outrage by gently reminding other spectators at the game (and in “the game of life”) that there is a human life on the other side of your anger.
STOP yourself from yelling inappropriate or profane words. We all know those words are hurtful and pitiful.
STOP validating harmful behavior by cheering on the perpetrator of an illegal action. Instead, see the action for what it is and address the behavior so it never happens again.
STOP limiting yourself to “groupthink,” especially when it is fueled by hate, resentment, anger, or fear.
STOP and ask yourself: “Can I find value in another person who is on the opposite side of me?”
STOP rationalizing your point of view and ask yourself whether there is anything of merit coming from the other side that is worth considering.
STOP engaging in behaviors that escalate violence or divisiveness.
STOP teaching your children that anger and resorting to physical harm is acceptable. They are watching you and they will mimic you.
If we follow this simple rule of Ice Edge Diplomacy, we can START a new day in our communities, country, and world.
Applying Ice Edge Diplomacy Beyond the Rink.
Ice Edge Diplomacy isn’t limited to hockey. It applies to any setting where we find ourselves standing on “the edge,” whether it’s a soccer field, lacrosse game, or community meeting. We must recognize that the “us-versus-them” mentality can lead to behavior that dehumanizes others and escalates conflict.
We are witnessing this same mentality play out on the global stage. The United States and Canada, two neighboring allies, are currently engaged in conflicts over trade and our borders. We are, metaphorically, standing on Ice’s Edge. Also, last week, we literally battled it out on the ice at the 4-Nations Face Off, and there was a lot of physical fighting during those games. We know from history that our two countries are allies, and in fact, our professional teams have a blend of Canadians and Americans, yet we are taking cheap shots instead of standing together and honoring the rules of Ice Edge Diplomacy.
Building a better Path Forward.
The path forward requires us to stop, breathe, and find common ground before engaging in behaviors that escalate division and violence.
By embracing Ice Edge Diplomacy, we can transform moments of potential conflict into opportunities for connection, grace, love, understanding, and peace. Let’s bring back the art of diplomacy—on the ice, on the field, and in our everyday lives.
Together, we can make a difference—one STOP at a time.
By Devry Boughner Vorwerk, Founder and CEO, DevryBV Sustainable Strategies. The company is a proud sponsor of the Minnetonka Hockey Association. Devry dedicates this article to Nate Stangler and all the coaches who support our young people on the ice. We are incredibly appreciative of the Association's support, the coaches who put their time and effort into developing youth athletes, the parents who cart their kids to and fro, and all the volunteers who make the magic happen during the season. Our youth are our future and teaching them the tough lessons of life on the ice, builds stronger leaders for today and tomorrow.